Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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