Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I need water and some morals
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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