community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
