dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
