Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
