he puts the penis in happiness.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
