She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
