Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
