hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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