Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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