our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
