I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
