so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
