Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
