It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
