Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
