I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
