i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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