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Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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