You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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