Porn is love you can see.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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