okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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