Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
