peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
