A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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