Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
