mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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