I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
