I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
