Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
