Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
