Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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