My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
