boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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