I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
