So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
