These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
