Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
