I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dicks are not precious.
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