I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
