She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
