Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
