I'm jealous of your bromance
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
