You made me cry and you don't even care
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
