Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
