Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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