so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
