I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
