The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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