i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
