i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
